Your search is finally over. You’ve discovered your soul mate, with more in common than either of you ever thought possible.  Together, you hope for three children (two boys, one girl), share a religion, enjoy gardening on Saturday afternoons, cheer for the Lakers and prefer vanilla to chocolate.

Then one day, you get in the car and head to the mall. While you make a beeline to the sales section, your mate considers opening up a store credit card to finance a brand new plasma TV.  You roll your eyes.

The next month, you jointly apply for a home loan and discover your partner’s credit score is too poor to qualify for a decent interest rate. Your dreams of owning a home get put on hold.  The drive home is a quiet one.

A year down the road, you suddenly lose your job. You begin cutting costs immediately. You’re okay with the change, but your partner is on your case about finding work right away.  Tension builds.

Like many married couples, you may discover early on in the relationship that your soul mate is also your financial opposite. Financial compatibility is not something lovebirds typically verify prior to saying “I do” since money continues to be a cultural taboo. Nevertheless, here you are: married with a money mindset of your own. You’re organized, while the other is an organized “mess.” You’re frugal and cut coupons, while your mate is a big spender who rarely price compares.  You check your credit regularly, while your partner’s totally out of touch.

With so many other similarities (he’s your soul mate, after all!) how is it possible to be at extreme ends of the financial spectrum?

The answer is simple, though perhaps unexpected: We tend to marry our financial opposite. Academic research has concluded this many times over. Recently, a 2009 survey of married adults published by researchers at The University of Pennsylvania, University of Michigan and Northwestern University found that people with opposing emotional reactions towards money (e.g. spendthrift versus tightwad) will, indeed, attract. On the surface this dynamic seems to make a whole lot of sense. After all, we tend to be drawn to those who have characteristics different than those traits we disapprove of in ourselves. There may also be some emotional upsides related to being with your financial opposite, at least initially. “As a spender you may find the financial boundaries and discipline of a saver to make you feel safe and secure.  A saver by contrast may find your spend thrift ways wildly exciting,” explains Manisha Thakor, author of Get Financially Naked: How to Talk Money With Your Honey.  But the excitement won’t last, she quickly points out. Over the long run, your financial differences with your partner may run deeper if avoided and cause more stress than any other matter in your relationship.

Tomorrow morning I’ll be live on the CBS Early Show helping three families with their financial troubles. Stay tuned! I will be posting the clip here tomorrow!